everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm like, not good at living.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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