areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
