these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
