wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
