Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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