im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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