I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
