I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I am morally bankrupt
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
