i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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