I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
