You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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