im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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