so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
