I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
