have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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