You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
