so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
