some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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