he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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