Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
