I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
