I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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