so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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