I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
