didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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