so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
