wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
