I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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