You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
