Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
