i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
