That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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