I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
