Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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