In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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