I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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