Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
