I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
