You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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