i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
