Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
