i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
