well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize