Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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