wakey wakey hands off snakey
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize