Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
