Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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