Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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