matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
