I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
