I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
