he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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