Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My feet surprised me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
