your thong is hanging out like whoa
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
