you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
