but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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