yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
