so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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