Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
