I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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