Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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